Comparisons are easily done Once you've had a taste of perfection Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one I still got the seed
Guess the song, but win no prize.
It still gives me an aching feeling when i think about some things I've done in the past. It's so easy to just get on with life now because things fell into the right place - but the road was not a straightforward one. I should not have stepped into that area where I tested the waters and broke a heart. Sure he's moved on, so have I. This bittersweet song only brings back memories... I'm reminded why I couldn't love another as much as I loved him because comparisons are easily done when you've tasted perfection, dear.
Twilight has bitten me so hard that I am utterly in love with the books and most of all, the forbidden love between Edward and Bella. Forbidden love, the idea of it makes me smile, as it does with millions of pre-teen. And I can only cringe at that realization.
The past few days have been unbearable for me because of my drawn for the characters' created by Stephanie Meyers. It has taken me, to the brink of fanatical, much, much more than any Harry Potter's books. After Lord of the Rings, this ...Twilight, is my next adulation in my books' collection. And I cannot help it - I have always been in love with the idea of vampires - ever since I was a little girl. Funny how horror movie rentals of my childhood fears could switch to attraction; almost like it's Stockholm Syndrome.
When Twilight first came out in the bookshelves and the cinema, I thought nothing about it despite my attraction to romanticized versions of vampires - the perfect face with chiseled cheeks, pink lips, dark mysterious eyes, and the most seductive scent and voice that succumbs their victims to their draw almost unfairly. But what has become of me, I am drawn to the character of Edward plastered by the face of Pattinson, which leaves me feeling guilty because of his age. My only consolation is the fact that I am drawn to Edward, not Pattinson. Otherwise it would make me, almost shamefully, a pedophile! I only wished that I had read the books first before seeing the movie, then I could create my own Edward.
My attraction, for the most part, is Edward and his internal conflicts when he realizes his love and protectiveness for Bella is almost as much as his unquenchable thirst for her blood. Blood that is almost like his "personal brand of heroin". It plays over and over in his head, how he wants to stay away for the fear of her own safety and yet could not because of the pain it causes in his un-beating heart. And the thirst that burns his throat for her blood became like an acceptable punishment for being selfishly wanting her near and to find joy in the pain when she wants him back as well. To endure. To accept. To crave love so forbidden. How do you explain that feeling?
It is heartbreaking.
And I broke my heart thinking about it, dwelling on it, and then healing as I continued with the 2nd, 3rd and 4th installments. I was holed up in my personal "cave" for the past few days, reading, ignoring emails, phone calls and messages with a tiny bit of regret. The last time I did this was ...a very long time ago. LOTR-era perhaps, before the responsibilities of adulthood became a part of my life....:) In just 4 days, I have become smitten. Alas, i live up to the fact that I have and will always be a "sucker for all-things romantic".
The Twilight Series are not the most well-written books I have read, I have to at least admit that and not let my fanatical thoughts overtake the negative. There were more than once when I found myself being too annoyed because the characters were being overly dramatic. Bella was so weak, so stubborn and argumentative I could not imagine how Edward could have the patience with her unreasonable fears or demands - despite a century of practice. Or when Edward's over-protectiveness and old-fashion chivalry takes over almost a whole page of the book. I wanted to smack them but at the same time, I was already in too deep. It was the story I was drawn to.
I had to force myself to "understand" the weakness Meyers wanted to portray in the human-form of Bella and the weakness she has over Edward; that triggers his instinctive protectiveness over her. It was almost animal like as he growls, hisses and snarls at any minute detail he deems inappropriate.
Nevertheless, the movie did not do the book justice, as expected due to limitations. It lacks so many details that the book covered, crucial details that would take more than 2 hours. And despite that, I have to credit the director Catherine Hardwicke, for only a woman can understand what women wants. She captured the essence of the books and it was more than anyone could ask for.
I never thought I could feel this way again about anything fictitious. But anyone who has known me well, knows that I enjoy themes that dances around fantasy and the supernatural, for more reasons than one.
This is it. This is another LOTR-joyride in the form of my weakness for romanticized vampires.
I am shocked at this sudden fanatical interest. Anyone fanatical puts themselves in this cycle of suffering where an endless need is created and I am hopeless in the wheel. In my case, of wanting to know everything and anything about Twilight and reminiscing that painful love between Edward and Bella played over and over in my head.
But at the same time, I am enjoying it - I feel surprisingly alive. :)
P.S. Carter Burwell, you're a genius. You didn't write Bella's Lullaby for the movie but for the books.
I realize many things in life since becoming an adult - one of those things are people who bitch, for the sake of bitching. People who could see no good in anything not because they cannot but because they just don't want to - and it sickens me to no end.
Earth Hour has passed for some continents below the equator belt. Kudos to those who participated. I believe it's a show that they are aware. I am proud of Malaysians who took the time to be part of the awareness even if this is their first time ever participated in it. Then, there are those on facebook - my facebook- who bitched and moan about how it is all fake. Because people who participated in Earth Hour are just jumping on the popular bandwagon of saving planet earth. Bitch, bitch, bitch - bitch about Malaysia's Tenaga Nasional's frequent electricity outage and bitch about the sincerity of Earth Hour's program and the people who participates in it. Well, how about a fuck off? Go dwell in that hole of hopelessness and leave your pessimistic blanket of opinions and comments to yourselves.
To bitch, bitch with a cause. Bitch it on those large pharmaceutical companies who are are intentionally "screwing up" with their vaccines and medications. Where side effects is much worse than succumbing to a probably illness that can be avoided by proper precautions. Take the whole Gardasil ordeal where young women who took the vaccine in hopes of guarding themselves from cervical cancer faced horrible side effects. And they believe it to be caused by the vaccines itself because prior to the vaccination they never had any health issues.
Watch this...
Now you can start bitching and go for your yearly papsmear tests.
Monday, December 15, 2008
From today onwards, I shall not write anything negative anymore in reflective of the current world issues. I want to cherish every minute, every second, every breathing moment I have on things that are beautiful, good and pure. Writing about politics or anything that is annoying seem to only thwart that sense of well-being. Life is too short for that.
There are no reasons to dwell on things I cannot change. I cannot change people, I cannot change the world. There was never a true answer or solution to all things bad to begin with because nothing is ever black or white - we live in a the gray matter governed by superficial edges colored black and white. I have wasted my energy by focusing on the negative and bashing those whom i thought was uncommon to my line of thoughts or views. But I will have no more of that.
I have realized that there is so much to look forward to, so much to appreciate. I saw a man threading on the snow with his electric wheel chair and thought about how lucky I am to be able to walk or run. I breath in the cold fresh air on my daily walks to work and realized how blessed I am to have my lungs functioning properly, my eyes with sight, my mind in line, my heart beating and my voice singing. I able to chase my dreams and help a person in need - all with a simple gesture and will. And I have people who love me so much, I would do anything for them. They, them, this is worth living for, in my mind.
Since nothing in this world is constant, it only make sense to appreciate the now. Apart from chasing what I want in life, I want to start chasing a Life; a life of quality and a life that is eternal in deeds.
I have stopped writing on this blog because I felt the necessity to write about politics or wrongdoings of others to be unhealthy, nosy, pointless and wasteful. If I write again it will be about something good. Good, with a capital G.
It's time to just seek the good in the world, people. Even in the dark of the current economy, I think it can either bring the best out of you ... or the worse. The choice is, of course, yours. :)
Fifty years from now, I am going to look back in time and say that I witnessed the first African American President of the United States. This is a huge milestone where for the first time in history of men and women. It has become an symbolic epitome that anything is now possible. Barack Obama's victory transcends the thin lines of race and segregation. For the first time ever, a black president will preside the US of A.
Fifty years from now, will there be a place in Malaysia to see a non-Malay become Prime Minister? Or is that still a pre-mature hope?
I am not an American citizen, neither am I a Canadian citizen but to feel triumphant over Obama's win and to have this new-found hope and goodwill in a country I am not a citizen of makes me feel a little at loss. I haven't felt the same intensity from my own country's politics since March 8th. And even then, it pales in comparison.
Dato Sri Anwar Ibrahim have been very silent since Sept 16. Apologists of Anwar have mentioned that the likelihood of overturning Barisan National will take time, at least time until end of this year. Well...Sept, Oct, and now as we're entering mid-November a pin drop is louder. It has no doubt dampen my hopes that Malaysia will see change one day because I KNOW, it's not as simple as kicking the current powers that be out. The damage that has been done over 50 years will take time to undo. If Bush's 8 years of damage can be a long term effect on the efficacy of change, imagine 50 years.
President of Transparency International Ramon Navaratnam backed Anwar on Malaysiakini by claiming that he will make a good Prime Minister. I don't know whether Mr. Navaratnam's views are of any value but no country will ever know if a candidate is a good premier until he takes to office. Even the hopeful Obama is under scrutiny from political analysts and some even expressed doubts due to his lack of experience. Whether Anwar is going to be a good Prime Minister remains to be seen but he is definitely better than anyone running for the post in UMNO. God forbids if a murderer gets sworn in as the PM.
I suppose the reason for this post is because i'm reflecting on whether our country can see the same change as US someday. I would like to witness a momentuous, historic event of change where NEP is eradicated and people of any race can run for Prime Minister. I have this hope even though it seems bleak. Last I heard from an acquaintance is that non-Malays are migrating to other countries in throngs but I still want to come back Home.
Martin Luther King once said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
When will Malaysia start judging their political candidates, not just for the position of Prime Minister, by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin or religion?
I left this blog at its 200th post for too long. It is time to say something else besides fucking politics in Malaysia or the world for that matter. I just *KNOW* for a fact that Obama is going to win because Palin is going to be historically known as the Republican's downfall in election 08.
Anyway. This is for Mondays, when all you want to do is shoot the whole day down.
[Originally a Boomtown Rat performed by Tori Amos]
I hate Mondays
The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload and nobody's gonna go to school today she's gonna make them stay at home And Daddy doesn't understand it He always said she was good as gold And he can see no reason Cos there are no reasons What reasons do you need to be shown
[Chorus:] Tell me why I don't like Mondays I want to shoot The whole day down
The telex machine is kept so clean and it types to waiting world. And Mother feels so shocked Father's world is rocked And their thoughts turn to Their own little girl Sweet 16 ain't that peachy keen No it ain't so neat to admit defeat, They can see no reasons Cos there are no reasons What reasons do you need to be shown
[Repeat Chorus]
All the playing's stopped in the playground now She wants to play with her toys awhile And school's out early and soon we'll be learning That the lesson today is how to die And then the bullhorn crackles And the captain tackles With the problems and the how's and why's And he can see no reasons Cos there are no reasons What reasons do you need to die
The recent arrests of RPK, a Sin Chew journalist and a DAP leader into ISA lockup is nothing but a BAIT to get you, citizens of Malaysia, to riot. Why? These people are innocent and beloved (RPK, esp) and to have their asses hauled in, three days shy from 9/16, it is evident that these arrests are here to provoke us so that we will start a protest/riot/demonstration. Any of these rallies will be ripe for our current government's plan as all they need is to plant a few seedlings in the crowd to cause a stir.
Dear fellow Malaysians,
PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT let your emotions take over. DO NOT HEED CALLS FOR JUSTICE by ANYONE for these trio because justice will be served come 9/16.
If a riot or unrest breaksthrough then these three individuals' cause for a better Malaysia will be ruined. All it takes is a bit of unrest for the current government to blame it all on the opposition, the upheaval will not be a victorious on our part but deadly one. I have mentioned before it will be darkest before dawn, and Malaysians, these three days will be the darkest.
Do not heed any SMSes, emails or rumours. Do NOTHING but wait.
I picked the name coffee and naan because I think they're the best accompaniment with any conversation. Also, because of my love for food and my budding addiction to caffeine. So if you drop by from the other side, I say welcome to Coffee and Naan.
